The system that survivors of domestic violence must navigate is like a bizarre, rigged board game, cluttered with insurmountable obstacles. Much like Squid Game…or Choose Your Own Adventure. This is not a game. But it does have potentially deadly consequences.
There are so many choices – often, with unforeseen consequences.
Some survivors want the perpetrator to be held accountable; some just want them to go away and stop the harm. Some want to be heard; some want to stay silent. All wish “it” had never happened.
A “traditional” survivor’s timeline could include calling for law enforcement. Going to the hospital. Talking to a victim advocate. Some are reluctant, for so many reasons. Police may not believe them. They may not have health insurance.
Survivors who do not follow the traditional timeline are often blamed for inviting violence – or simply not believed.
Those whose cases are taken seriously might be offered self-defense classes, therapy, case management services and shelter. Survivors have a right to change their name or their social security number and use a confidential mailing address.
But then there are overwhelming worries- Can they go to work? Can survivors’ children go to school the next day? Will they be safe with a babysitter, where their abuser can find them? Is it safe to stay home? Do they even have a home anymore, if their partner was paying rent?
If they chose court, they need to be prepared to litigate their most personal and often humiliating experiences. Did you take photos of your bruises? Oh, you don’t have bruises? Are you making it up? Did you get raped?
Then the different scenarios play out.
If children were present, the police will call the Department of Children and Family Services (the Department). They should offer resources but if they find a survivor “allowed” a child to witness the abuse, they have failed to protect them, and the children may be removed from the home, despite the harm this causes.
If a survivor is unhoused as a result of the abuse, the Department should help find housing, but they often do not, and the catch-22 begins: Without a home, a child may be removed.
When police interview survivors, the abuser may be in the other room where they can overhear the story. Even if they are arrested, many abusers post bail in 24 hours, and survivors may be afraid to tell authorities what happened, fearful that the abuse will intensify. But this can backfire in court if a police report is not accurate.
Survivors who are undocumented may be even more afraid to ask for help.
If they rely on a partner for food, they may try to deny what happened so that they can feed their children.
Even for those who seek prosecution, justice is far from swift. It has taken some of my clients upwards of 20+ calls to the police to make an arrest. Many times, there are no arrests.
I have had detectives discuss whether a client will testify well, often based on whether and how well they speak the language.
In my decades as a professional advocate for survivors, I have had families threatened. Once, a survivor’s family member I worked with was murdered after giving testimony in open court.
And in family court, survivors face onerous burdens:filing the paperwork for a restraining order or custody means taking time off work; waiting in line for a volunteer to take down their story; and waiting to file, in another long line. Maybe their kids are tired and hungry, or are not allowed in the courtroom. Maybe they need to be picked up from school, or the survivor’s employer won’t let them miss work. They can’t wait in line to file.
Free legal services are available but insufficient. There are waiting lists and paperwork hurdles. If you are poor and a survivor of domestic violence, the barriers grow and the lines multiply. There are lines for food banks, and shelters, and for government assistance. The lines alone can seem insurmountable.
The scenarios and barriers are endless.
We must remove the barriers that blame survivors, because coming out about abuse is hard. You are recounting your most intimate and shameful experiences with the public, or to family who have told you for years to leave a situation. The system should not revictimize people. One way to avoid this is to support projects that prevent punitive actions, like the Department opening a neglect case against survivors without substantive cause, which should never be the default response. In California, a new pilot project aims to prevent this by providing the social services and support domestic violence survivors need. The idea is to remove systemic barriers that can lead survivors into the dependency system.
The Survivor Justice Center, which I lead, is proud to partner in this work, to provide resources for survivors in partnership with other nonprofits and people with lived expertise.
One Los Angeles court promotes a different approach to child welfare cases that keeps kids at home, with their parents.. This could be a model with domestic violence neglect cases as well. UCLA’s Pritzker Center has released a report on balancing the harm of removing a child vs the trauma of domestic violence- and while more research is needed but leans to the harm outweighing the good.
Let’s stop blaming the victim – and give survivors of domestic violence the resources they need to rebuild their lives and protect their families.