When someone goes to prison, it’s not just the individual who’s incarcerated—it’s their family, too. The people who suffer the most are often the children, left behind to navigate life without the emotional and physical presence of their mom or dad. I know this firsthand because I lived it. After spending 27 years in prison, I’ve made it my mission to advocate for these children and their families.
I left my daughter when she was just 11 years old. I knew how important it was for her to feel that I was still there for her as her mother, even though I couldn’t physically be with her. Maintaining our bond wasn’t easy. In the early years, phone calls were limited to once or twice a week. But over time, with the help of technology, I could talk to her every day. That daily connection wasn’t just a luxury—it was a lifeline.
How Connection Helped Me and My Daughter
Family connections are everything to me. Even if you make poor decisions like I did, having connections is how you bounce back and move forward. Staying in contact with my daughter was about being present in her life despite the miles of distance and the prison walls between us. Tools like tablets provided by ViaPath Technologies, for whose foundation I now consult, made it possible for my daughter and I to talk and “see” each other more often. Those conversations became the glue that held us together as we both grew – me trying to make amends for my actions and my daughter dealing with growing up with a mother in prison.
My family taught me that when you make a mistake, you have to set it right. Even while I was in prison, I knew I had the responsibility to live up to what my family taught me and set an example for my only child. I couldn’t show my baby failure. I had to show her that no matter what the odds are, you have to be accountable and put one foot in front of the other until you get things right. For me, that was the purpose and motivation for me to focus on my role as a liaison between staff and inmates and work to advance myself so I could prepare for my release and successful reentry.
I realized early on in my sentence that the support system I had from my family was rare. So many women I was incarcerated with, and their children didn’t have the family backing I was fortunate to have. Connection is everything. Without it, the chances of success post-release are more challenging. With it, there’s hope for reducing recidivism and breaking the cycle of incarceration for future generations.
Why I Advocate for Children of Incarcerated Parents
The children of incarcerated parents are often the forgotten victims of the justice system. They didn’t do anything wrong, but they’re the ones who carry the pain and confusion of losing a parent to incarceration. These kids are like collateral damage, and they need more support.
That’s why I’ve made it my mission to advocate for them. These children deserve better. They deserve to be seen, heard, and supported. As one of ten justice-impacted ambassadors selected by Represent Justice from across the United States, I had the chance to write, direct, and produce a short film called The Candle. Co-produced and edited by children of incarcerated parents, my documentary gives them a voice—a way to share their stories, struggles, and hopes.
My film also shines the spotlight on the need to create more opportunities for connection between incarcerated parents and their children. It’s not just about phone calls. Imagine what it would be like if kids could sit down with their incarcerated parent and do homework together, even virtually. Something as simple as helping with a school project can make a world of difference for a child. It gives them a sense of normalcy and a reminder that their parent is still a part of their life. That’s what we need more of to improve outcomes for both returning citizens and their children.
Helping Families Break the Cycle of Incarceration
Through my advocacy, I want people to understand that children of incarcerated parents are human beings, first and foremost. Maintaining strong family connections can help kids feel safe, supported, and loved even when they are physically separated from their parents. For incarcerated parents, connections can be a lifeline that gives them the strength and motivation to stay on the right path after release.
I’m committed to this work. I want to help other families stay connected and give other children the chance to thrive despite the challenges they face. Incarceration doesn’t have to break families. Connection is everything. It’s what helped me survive and what helped my daughter grow into the incredible woman she is today. I want every child of an incarcerated parent to have that same opportunity for connection, for support, for love, and for a better future.