Every October, we wear purple. We gather, we say the names of those we’ve lost, and we speak up for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. That matters. It brings into the light a kind of violence that usually stays behind closed doors, and it tells survivors that what happened to them is real and their pain is seen.
When October ends – domestic violence does not, and our commitment to survivors cannot end either! The truth is survivors need us in February and July as much as in October. Awareness has to become something we commit to everyday, because survivors live with abuse every day of the year. They get through the holidays afraid. They show up to work carrying what happened at home. They raise their children while quietly planning how to stay safe, and they keep rebuilding and striving for economic recovery long after the crisis has passed.
This month, our community lost retired San Francisco Police Department Deputy Chief Ann Mannix and her daughter, Katie, to domestic violence. I want us to sit with that. A title, a degree, money, decades of public service: none of it guarantees safety from an abusive partner. We have to let go of the idea that some people are too accomplished, too smart or too strong to be abused. It can happen to anyone.
Everyone knows someone who has lived through this, and everyone can do something to help. Share a resource like www.thehotline.org, in a way that’s safe for the person receiving it. Give $20 to a local domestic violence agency. It may not feel like much, but small gifts add up, and they keep the doors open at the places survivors turn to when they’re ready.
Helping also means listening without judging. Say, “I believe you.” Ask, “What do you need?” Then respect their choices, even when those choices aren’t yours and the timeline isn’t the one you’d pick. Leaving often takes a safety plan, housing, transportation, childcare, money and people who stick around. Our job is to stand with someone without taking away their power to decide.
There are domestic violence agencies all across the country, staffed by advocates who want to help. They connect survivors with safety planning, shelter, counseling, legal help and more. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can point people to what’s available close to home. No one should have to go through abuse believing they’re alone or that help doesn’t exist.
At Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence, we know safety is only the beginning. Survivors deserve the chance to heal, get back on their feet financially, know what a healthy relationship feels like, and move from surviving to thriving.
Let October renew us, and then let our actions carry us through the rest of the year. Check on someone. Safely share a resource. Make a donation. Speak up when you hear someone excuse abuse and/or violence. Remember the people we’ve lost, and stay close to the ones still finding their way to safety. Survivors deserve our attention every single day.
For support, resources, partnership, or donations, contact Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence at 1-888-260-1498, email info@blackwomenrevolt.org, or visit blackwomenrevolt.org. We are here to help you take the next step. (blackwomenrevolt.org)